A Letter to the Editor of GOOP
Many of the absolute best beauty products I’ve found come from regular French pharmacies. I always stock up on these items when I’m in France or ask friends to bring some back when they’re passing through. Below is a list of all of my favorites.
Dear Gwyneth Paltrow,
I’m always excited to see a new issue of GOOP in my in-box, and this week’s missive was exactly what I have grown to expect from you. Because you have given me so many awesome tips, I wanted to tell you about something you might now know about.
We have this thing now called “The Internet”(I’m kind of surprised that you don’t know about it, since you have a website and an e-mail newsletter and such, but maybe your assistants haven’t explained how all that stuff works?) One of the reasons why The Internet is great is because you can use it to buy things, such as 6 of the 9 items that you seem to think are only available in France. Instead of asking your friends to find room in their luggage for things like Avène Eau Thermale Water Spray and Klorane Gentle Dry Shampoo with Oat Milk, you could just order them from Amazon.com, Drugstore.com, SkinStore.com… Well, a lot of places, actually.
P.S. It’s true that Avibon is not distributed outside of France, but we have something here in the United States that seems to be virtually identical. It’s Retin-A. Maybe Dr. Fredric Brandt, or Dr. Jessica Wu, or some other celebrity dermatologist could write you a prescription.
An Open Letter to Anyone with a Time Machine, or Some Other Means of Traveling Through Time
Dear Time Traveler,
Recently, I found it necessary to remove both Pee-Wee Herman and Duran Duran from my Facebook news feed. Both posted just way too much, and nothing they had to say was ever interesting. It has occurred to me, though, that my 14-year-old self would be horrified to learn that her 40-year-old self would show such callous disloyalty to Pee-Wee Herman, much less Duran Duran.
So, should you find yourself in northeastern Ohio in 1984, and should you find a teen girl who looks pretty much like me but with asymmetrical hair and a bigger shirt, please do not tell her that I have removed Pee-Wee Herman and Duran Duran from my Facebook feed. I don’t expect that this will be a problem—I mean, it’s not like you want to waste all your in-the-past time trying to explain Facebook in the first place, right?