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The letter I just sent to Michigan House Speaker Jase Bolger

Dear House Speaker Bolger,

First, I’d like to tell you how flattered I am that the Michigan House of Representatives has taken an interest in my uterus. It’s really sweet to know that you’re dedicated to protecting my womb and its contents from, say, doctors who would try to coerce me into an abortion, because maybe that really is a thing somewhere. And I totally understand how you might like to be able to pass laws concerning my reproductive organs without actually having to hear about my reproductive organs, or Representative Lisa Brown’s reproductive organs, or any female genitalia of any kind. Let’s face it: “vagina” is a pretty gross word. I don’t like it much either, to be honest.

But here’s the thing. I’m not sure that we can really talk about women’s reproductive health without talking about women’s reproductive parts, and I’m thinking that maybe women should be able to participate in that conversation. I’d like to suggest a compromise. Instead of telling Representative Brown to sit down and shut up and let the menfolk do the talking, you offer your colleagues a choice of friendly, utterly non-threatening euphemisms for all that stuff “down there”. To facilitate this compromise, I’ve prepared this list for you:

  • Honey Pot
  • Vertical Smile
  • Coochie
  • Muff
  • Pearly Purse
  • Box
  • Tunnel of Love
  • Hoo-ha
  • Madge
  • Lady Jane
  • Quim
  • Yoni
  • Vajayjay
  • Punani
  • Gentleman’s Pleasure Garden
  • Nature’s Tufted Treasure
  • Fancy Bits
  • Mrs. Kitty
  • The Downtown Dining and Entertainment District
  • Naughty Bits
  • Goody Wagon
  • Rivendell
  • Cream Puff
  • Magic Cave
  • Her Majesty
  • Snatch
  • Hot Pocket

Please accept this list as my thanks for HB 5711, HB5712, and HB5713


Jessica Jernigan

Mount Pleasant


June 14, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (2)