Happy Father’s Day

  Frances and I worked on this project together. Instructions for origami shirt-and-tie card here.

Martha Stewart’s Prison Poncho Pattern

It breaks my heart when people come to my site and don’t find what they’re looking for (except when they’re looking for something nasty, in which case it doesn’t). Because I have blogged about handmade ponchos and Martha Stewart, hundreds of visitors seeking a pattern for the inmate-crocheted wrap Ms. Stewart wore on her release from prison have arrived here only to be disappointed.

Luckily, I’m not the only person who has noticed the flood of crafty ladies desperate for this pattern. The kindly folks at Lion Brand Yarn are offering a facsimile pattern for free on their site. It’s, as they say, a good thing—but I’d still rather have Martha’s Birkin bag.

Anatomically Correct Knitting

I’ve been knitting at the beginner level for a few years now, and I think I can safely say that I have crafted enough mufflers and ski caps to keep pretty much everyone I know quite warm about the head and neck. I just completed a shawl sort of thing for myself, but, as it required only one stitch and no increasing or decreasing of any kind, it differed from my past projects only in size.

I think I’m ready for something new—perhaps an adorable knitted uterus. You can find the pattern for this cuddly reproductive organ at Knitty, and the webmistress at Citizen Skein has combed the ether for similar, anatomically correct knitting projects. I think a pair of breasts would make dandy throw pillows, and wouldn’t a fuzzy penis make a great Valentine’s Day gift?

[THANKS TO TED FOR THE CITIZEN SKEIN LINK.]

Nothings Says “I’m Sorry You Got Busted for Lying to the Feds” Like a Handmade Greeting Card

I assume that you, like me, are simultaneously morbidly fascinated by and lingeringly irritated about the fact that Martha Stewart is actually in prison. I also assume that you, like me, are a basically nice person, so the mild outrage wins out over the schadenfreude. I just sent her a nice handmade greeting card, and I urge you to do the same. She's having some trouble adjusting to incarceration—who wouldn’t?—and, as she says at marthatalks.com, she appreciates the support. She also asks that you please not send money. Yes, we all want to make sure that she is able to buy smokes in the prison commissary, but the wardens just take the cash away. She asks that you make a donation of the American Cancer Society instead.

Anyway, there are quite a few charmingly crafty greeting-card ideas at her website, and lovely card-making supplies in her store. Her current address is:

Martha Stewart, No. 55170-054
FPC Alderson
Glen Ray Road, Box B
Alderson WV 24910

Make Your Own Poncho, Cont’d.

Not long ago, I posted an entry that contained a variety of poncho patterns. Some of them were for the seasoned knitter; some of them were quite simple. Last night, however, I saw the easiest poncho ever. It was, I am fairly certain, a thrift-store baby blanket with a hole cut in the middle. I always admire a DIY project that combines economy, simplicity, and design success, and this thing had it all: it was a pretty pink; it was a lovely, soft knit; and it was the perfect size for a gal of slim-to-average build. So, if you want a poncho right now, and if you think you will want to be wearing it for approximately this fashion moment, this is an ideal solution.

Make Your Own Poncho, Please

It’s only been autumn for a couple of days now, but there’s one fall fashion trend that I’m already sick of: the poncho. I have nothing against the garment itself; I’m just tired of seeing the giant doily that seems to be its most popular iteration.

I’m aware that not everyone who wants a poncho can afford the gorgeously crafted version, spun from the finest cashmere. I know that, when one can’t have Prada, sometimes Zara will do—indeed, sometimes even H&M will do—and I suppose that if one has no plans to wear a trendy item beyond the season at hand, there’s little point in spending a lot on that item. It’s just that a crappy poncho looks so very, well, crappy.

In a perfect world, all clothes would be well-constructed, perfectly fitted, and made from beautiful fabric. Most of the time, we have to settle for one or two of these attributes. The poncho, though, is basically nothing but a piece of fabric, so, when it’s made from bad fabric—acrylic yarn, for example—it’s just bad. And because the poncho is so simple, it’s really, really easy to make one that doesn’t look like shit. If you have basic knitting skills, or can sew a straight seam, you can have a lovely poncho you’ll be delighted to wear this fall and beyond.

The poncho is pretty much the easiest knitting project there is. It’s really not much more complex than a scarf—just bigger—and if you knit in the round, it’s actually easier. There’s an absurdly simple poncho pattern in The Knit Stitch, a great book for beginners. I’m working on this poncho right now myself. Basically, it’s just a big tube. I’m using a wonderful hand-painted yarn, variegated shades of sage and turquoise and soft brown in a merino blend.

For the more advanced knitters, there are snazzy poncho patterns in Debbie Stoller’s awesome Stitch ’N Bitch and Big Just Got Bigger by Rowan—the latter is an especially good resource because it contains projects designed especially for big, fat yarns, so they knit up fast. The web is also a great source for poncho patterns. A Google search immediately turned up this saucy little number at Yarn Harlot. The redoubtable Knitty.com offers a couple of new poncho patterns, too.

The world is full of scrumptious yarn, yarn spun from luscious fibers dyed elegant and exciting colors. If you’re not blessed with a great local store, there are virtual shops aplenty. I’m fond of Yarn Market.

But you don’t have to knit to have a poncho. If you can cut out a couple of rectangles and stitch them together, you can have a poncho in minutes. As with the knitted poncho, the key is fine materials. Even the most rudimentary fabric store should have some nice drapey woollens and elegant knits, and, since a poncho should only require a couple of yards of fabric, you can splurge a little. If you really don’t find anything you like at your local Jo-Ann, look online at stores like Fashion Fabrics Club. If you feel like you could use a little guidance, there are poncho patterns for sewers, too. This McCall’s pattern has ponchos and capelets attainable by even the least experienced seamstress.