Family Portrait

Merry Christmas

Some Topics about which I Know Almost Nothing, in Descending Order of Knowingness

Islam

Baseball

Chinese Astrology

American Idol

The work of Julia Kristeva

Physics

Heidi Montag

Economics

Hungarian cooking

The work of Nicholas Sparks

Rhode Island

Rock Band 2

The Electoral College

The Boer War

The Indian state of Kerala

Game Theory

Brody Jenner

Hey! I’m an award-winning fiction-writer.

My short short story, “She Is Not Going to Call Him” won the Editors’ Award in the latest writing contest—the topic was “Men”—sponsored by TheNovelette.com. You can find my entry, the Readers’ Choice winner, and the other finalists here.

Thanks to those discerning editors, and thanks to everyone who voted.

Happy Valentine’s Day

So, on the syllabus for this literary theory class I’m taking, the professor included “Literary Valentines?” among our activities for tonight’s class. I considered this a challenge, so I created a reader-response Valentine to pass out to my colleagues in the Seminar in Critical Problems (doesn’t that just scream “graduate school”?). I am sure that it is going to induce eye-rolling in my fellow students, and it will no doubt be seen as a tangible manifestation of my unwillingness (inability?) to shut the fuck up—ever.* On the other hand, there may be, I don’t know, 17 people in the world who will find this amusing, and I post it here in the hopes that at least 1 or 2 of them visit this blog. Happy Valentine’s Day.

* Hey, Mawrters: Remember how we used to make fun of McBrides? Remember how they would dominate classes and ask questions towards the end of the hour that were absolutely, positively going to force us all to stay late? Well, as you may or may not know, I was a McBride myself when I finally finished my degree, and I totally remain one in spirit.

Happy Birthday, Sarah Hand

Short Story: “The Girl with the Iron Foot”

My first piece of published fiction has just appeared in the January/February issue of New Moon, a magazine edited by girls, for girls. It’s a story called “The Girl with the Iron Foot.” If you’re interested in reading it, I encourage you to purchase a copy of this worthy publication. If, however, you just can’t wait, you can download a pdf version of the entire issue right now. My story starts on page thirty-six.

[ILLUSTRATION BY JENIKA WATKINS]

My Contribution to the Urban Dictionary

Every time he contemplated all the cryptic little icons on his cell phone’s screen, Walter was so overcome by Featureschmerz that he couldn’t even place a call.

Thrift Scores for Week Ending September 8

Toy Accordion: $4

Vintage Halloween Candles (Witch, Owl): 25¢

November twenty-six, nineteen hundred sixty-three by Wendell Berry, designed and illustrated by Ben Shahn: 25¢

Bolt of Vintage Fabric (Aqua Chiffon with Chenille Dots): $6

Barkcloth Apron: $1

Vintage Soup Bowls: $2

A Few Snapshots from My Family’s Trip to Springfield

[THANKS TO 20TH CENTURY FOX, BURGER KING, AND CRISPIN PORTER + BOGUSKY FOR MAKING THIS POSSIBLE.]